Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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