so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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