you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
