just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Randomize
