just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
That accounts for only three of the penises
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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