He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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