I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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