Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
