Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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