do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
