it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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