Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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