she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
ok first of all what the fuck
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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