I am in a vortex of obligation.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
