Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
