I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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