So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
