my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
