Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
