Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My vagina just recognized that song.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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