Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I think I just sharted jello shots
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
