Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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