you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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