I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
