My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
