last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
