hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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