I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
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