Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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