I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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