I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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