TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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