Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We left an ass print on the piano.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
