Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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