Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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