Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
