dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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