I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
