I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
