he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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