There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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