Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
