she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I have tasted many bathrooms
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
