Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
