kristin has been a bad kristin
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
