How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
