Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The struggles of a small town man whore
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
