is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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