I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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