I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
