I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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