Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
