I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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