You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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