Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
