oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
